Hey Adriana, I really enjoyed reading your story. It was a really fun and playful version of the original and this made it very pleasant to read. Something I really liked that I have not seen in very many stories so far is the use of onomatopoeia. I thought this was extremely creative and a great asset to your story overall. I also really liked your use of dialogue. This allowed you to really make the story yours while still staying true to the original plot. The way you told your story was very active and inviting. I did not have a hard time concentrating because I stayed very engaged all throughout it. Your story was truly very fun to read. You also expanded the story greatly by providing a lot of backstory and context. This made the story very rich and enjoyable. I think it would've been interesting for you to have explored the story a little further in the sense that you might discuss what happened after the incident. Did Mr. Hare become braver? Did the animals become less trusting?
I like the layout of your project and blue theme you have going on! I, also, really liked your title as I knew exactly what your project was going to be about. Your story was super cute, and I loved the extra details in the character. It made the story feel more like a story than a lesson, and it added humor to it. For your future stories, do you plan on adding more background to other characters in famous Indian stories or recreating the stories all together? Either way, I think they are both good ideas, and you can come up with some really creative posts. Like I mentioned before, I like the blue theme of your project and was wondering if the blue theme was just for the rabbit story and each story was going to have its own color or if that was theme you were going to keep throughout? Lastly, I really liked his apology because I felt like it was definitely missing in the original story. Way to redeem his character!
Your portfolio is very creative and cute! I used to watch a lot of bugs bunny, so I love reading anything involving rabbits. I think you did great with forming your own story, but still were able to relate it back to the original. It was easy for me as a reader to know exactly what original story your story was based off. I particularly appreciate how you made Mr. Hare have credibility from his introduction. It was easy to see why all the other rabbits and animals believed him. I think that was an essential aspect to your story, leading up to the ending where the Lion says what has actually happened. I think it would have been cool to add some geographical background to your characters, given they are an extremely diverse animal group. That might be something to look out for . Additionally, I loved how the most feared animal is the one that figured out the truth. I assumed it might be because the most fearless are the ones who tell it how it is? It all was very well put together. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Adriana! I loved your personification of animals since we are so used to reading about humans, and the pun of the rabbit's name. The story was easy to follow. Not just the flow, but just the indication of why others would believe the rabbit- this really helps the readers! I thought the way you have the readers anticipate the King of Beasts was also cool! My only thought was is the reader supposed to know it is just a coconut in the beginning? I didn't know if this was intended or not- to make the the reader cringe knowing how big a deal the animals are making? This is just a thought, but leaving information about the coconut in the beginning more vague "a spherical mass; round brown ball; etc." leaves the reader confused what is is and on the same page as the rabbit. Then, when they find out it is just a coconut after the lion's announcement, they kind of feel the embarrassment as well. One is not better than the other, it just depends what you are trying to go for! Overall, I really loved your cute story!
Adriana, I loved your story. One thing that I thought you did really well was how your paragraphs were constructed. It was very easy to follow the flow of the story. I also liked how you beefed up the old tale. When I read the original I thought it lacked a lot of detail and description. I think you do a marvelous job of adding a new detail. I especially liked when you have the lion roar at the rabbit. It was as if your description caught exactly what I thought when reading it the first time! One thing that happened in the original that I liked was the suspense of what causes the load crash at the beginning. We never find out what it was until the lion tells us. In your story you have the secret at the beginning. I think it makes your story lose some of the suspense of what causes the crash. Overall great story!
Hey there, Adriana! I really enjoyed your story and how much I could compare it to the original. I got a very "chicken little" vibe from it and it kind of hit home. I really admired the flow of your story, and feel like the way you organized your information and paragraphs was very natural and easy to follow. I like that the king of beasts was friendly to the hare when he could have been more of an antagonist. I honestly thought he was going to try to eat some of the animals, especially when you talked about how scared they all were. I read the original version of your story, and I really like the editing changes you made. Those extra details really highlighted certain elements of your story. I particularly enjoy the characters of your story because they seem like common tall tale or children's book characters, which evokes a sense of nostalgia. I like how you used bold font and capitalization for the sound effects, and it worked well at the beginning of your story! I think sound effects like that are great way to hook a reader into your story. Great job!
Hello Adriana! The first thing I thought of when I was reading the intro of your story, I thought of Alice in Wonderland! I like how well written it is by adding dialogue, onomatopoeia, and lots of emphasis! The way it was constructed and organized seem to flow very well in your story. The details were extraordinary, and I can definitely tell you did some research on rabbits! My favorite part when the coconut came down. But how did you know it was going to be a coconut? I know there are fruits that grow on palm trees also! In your author’s note, maybe add a little more description about the story so I know what to compare. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story. You definitely added great details and effects which made it so cute! It definitely reminded me a little bit of Disney movies from my childhood.
Hi Adriana, I really liked your version on Draupadi's story! I like how you made her a more independent character and let her make her own decisions. In the original story I felt like the women didn't have as much control as they deserved so I like how you changed that up. Your reasoning behind retelling the story this way was also really awesome because I can see how you empowered her in your story. I think it would be interesting to go more in depth in the ending of the story. What was her interaction with all the brothers like? How did the King respond to his daughters defiance? I think if you included a little more dialogue here it might help the reader see more of her feelings in the situation. Other than that I thought your story was very engaging and fun to read. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
I was really excited to read your story "The Foolish Mr. Hare". I had an idea which story you were going to retell because of the title. I also retold this story so that was exciting. I liked seeing someone else retell a story that I also did. Your story was fun and I enjoyed reading it. I think keeping the rabbit the same but calling him Mr. Hare was a cool detail. The amount of detail you added to your story was what made it stand out to me. Your use of personification was able to give the animals another layer of depth. It made the animals easy to understand. I also liked that the king of beasts was the lion. I could not help but imagine this character to be Simba from the Lion King. It was fitting that the lion was the one to fix the issue. The king is the most respected. I wonder how the other animals felt towards the rabbit after the event.
I absolutely loved your change of roles in Draupadi's choice. I feel like you did a great job at giving Draupadi a rightful voice in who she wanted to marry. Many of the Indian epics I have read solely focus on seeing women as an accessory, rather than a strong and capable beings who are great contributors to the sustenance of those around them. Your story was definitely a breath of fresh air. I loved how Draupadi's courage resulted in her being able to choose the life she desired for herself, and also resulted in a law being made that allows women to willfully choose their mate without shame or feeling helpless. It would be cool to see a female assume the role of a ruler of a kingdom and showcase some reactions that would probably occur in turn. I especially appreciated your author's note and how you focused on explaining the importance of giving Draupadi a choice. It is about time women receive more acknowledgment for their contributions to society. I am extremely excited to read more from you.
Super excited to have been introduced to your website through this week’s commenting activity. It really seems like one I need to go back and read and keep up with. Similar with you, I too like my website organized and clean while also not too boring that everything is white and we don’t want to keep exploring. A couple things if you don’t mind me suggesting, and obviously these are opinionated and may not be your style, but a couple things can be added to take this to another level. One suggestion would be to add more to your home page. You could create little tabs with preview pictures and links to your stories while also keeping it at the top. This is just a pleasing to the eye thing and gives a little insight on what the readers will be reading. Also, the cover page relating to either your stories or the overall topic wouldn't be the worst idea rather than the given clip art. I loved how in the second story you had a little bit of a different format and the picture and stories on the sides of the page. I will definitely look into doing that for one of my stories.
First, I really liked how you made Draupadi's free will a major part of your story. I've noticed in a lot of Indian epics that women are not really making decisions for themselves or if they do make a decision it is as a result of the men in their lives. They are almost used as pawns for the most part, which is why Draupadi really stood out to me. I do wonder about Draupadi's personality in the story. It feels like I did not get to see much of it in your story, maybe because it seemed as though the story was centered around her being a strong woman who could make her own decisions rather than a unique personality with different quirks. And last but not least, what if you expanded a bit more on the first interactions between Arjuna and Draupadi? I would love to see Arjuna stand out to Draupadi because he respects her as a woman who can make her own choices, instead of simply a seemingly random archer. But overall, this was a really good take on an old story!
Hi Adriana! I love how you changed the story to let Draupadi be the chooser of her own body and who she gets to marry! Not many of the women in both the epics we read were allowed to choose what they want or say what they want. So it was nice for you to write a story over Draupadi's choices! I do think you should add more about Draupadi's thoughts. Maybe go into more detail about why she liked Arjuna for other than his archery. What if you added a small side story of them going on a date? Or maybe go into a conversation with Draupadi and her father about the arranged marriage? Overall I thought it was a fun and interesting story!
Adriana, I thought your story was amazing. Reading through most of the stories, it seems like they do favor men in all of stories which in understandable given the times at which the stories were made. Regardless, I think that you modernized them and let the female character have more choice in what happened really cool. I hope that you continue to make more stories like this that are really interesting and continue to have a cool message.
I just finished your story "Draupadi's choice" and thought you took the story and retold it in a very original way. Personally, I like to not stray too far from the original story in retellings, so reading how you made Draupadi an independent badass caught me very off guard. I really did enjoy how you made Draupadi a little bit more of a developed character, rather than a love interest who is always needing protection from her husbands. I wonder what the dynamic between her and Arjuna would be in this story rather than the original, maybe she ends up saving him from time to time instead of her always being the damsel in distress. What if one day Draupadi was bored and wanted to practice her archery and Arjuna saw how skilled she was? I don't know about you, but I think Arjuna would fall head over heels when he saw his wive striking the bulls-eye over and over again. I look forward to reading more of your work, and I hope I can read more of this badass version of Draupadi!
Your website looks really good. Keeping with this week's feedback theme, I will focus on your images. I think that your banner image for your home page looks fantastic. Is really good quality and looks excellent with the overall theme of the website.
I really liked the way that you included the images in your website stories. I do have one question, have you tried experimenting with different banner backgrounds? I think your banner background goes very well with the overall aesthetic of the website, but you might want to experiment with different banner sizes and images.
I also like the way that you change the way is formatted around the images that you use. I also like the way that you use buttons to link the original story and your blog version. It looks very clean; I might have to use for my own website. I look forward to reading more of stories!
Hi again, Adriana! I returned back to your portfolio because I found your writing style to be interesting and I just love reading your stories! With that being said, I want to begin by saying that I really like how you used onomatopoeia in your writing. For example, you used word crash, and even emphasized it by bonding the word. I thought that you did this really well to help me picture the image. A question that I have is why did you choose to keep your character as a rabbit and changed it from an anxious rabbit to a sleepy rabbit? What made you do that specifically? I thought that your story was written really well and the sentences flowed together uniformly. Another question that I have is why is it that many animals know about the the King of the Beasts but does not know that he is a lion? Furthermore, a suggestion that I have is to maybe discard that part of the story because I feel like it kind of misleads the story a little bit. With that being said, I think that your project could use a few more images per story. Still, I think that the pictures that you’ve used so far does a good job at adding to the experience.
Hi Adriana, I enjoyed reading through your story the Foolish Mr. Hare. After I had finished reading through your story I spent some more time reading through your Author's Note as this weeks assignment asks us to focus on the Author's Note. To mention first, I loved reading through your short story. It was entertaining, easy to read and follow along with. I did notice before reading your Author's Note that you spent a good portion on developing your main character, Mr. Hare. I enjoyed all the nice details you added towards building him up as the main character. It made the story easier to understand later on. One small thing I wanted to mention was in your authors note you had mentioned towards the end about putting "my own spin on it." I figured out what you were talking about after I found the information in the bibliography. But when you said put "my own spin on" I was just a little confused on what you were refereeing to. As in, what were you referencing when putting your own spin on the story. That is my only critique about your authors note. Maybe just add in there, I put my own spin on it, based off this story I read." Other than that I think your portfolio looks fantastic and I enjoy reading through your short stories!
WWW Comment: Hey Adriano, I like how you have formatted your portfolio. It has made it so much easier to navigate across the page as well as find important information like your blog and comment wall. This has been something that I have been trying to work on in my own storybook and I will definitely take inspiration from you portfolio. For your story, I like how you added some background on what a Swayamvara was. I remember seeing swayamvara’s in movies about the epics and it is a very interesting concept as princesses were able to choose their husband. Also, I like how you set up the character of Draupadi as strong and talented. We don’t get to see this side of her in the Mahabharata, so it’s great that there is a whole story dedicated to her. I like how you added a modern twist to your story by making Draupadi send rules to Arjuna before they are married. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio.
Hi Adriana! I like your telling of Draupadi's swayamvara. I also really like the image you chose for it. I think it really gives us a sense of the setting. I might suggest moving your buttons to the bottom, though. They're kind of distracting between the image and the story that image accompanies. Also, I think most people would be seeking additional information after they've read the story, not before, so it makes sense to put them after the story. Also, I would lay out the rules of the swayamvara. I had assumed all the suitors would be competing in archery, but that's apparently untrue. Is it just a talent show? Is there any limitations regarding social standing of the suitors? I know in the original story, that was a big deal. Also, in your author's note, you mentioned how it settled poorly with you that she was basically assigned four new husbands even after she had already chosen one. You could incorporate that into the story, and have her either choose to accept the fate she brought upon herself by praying for a husband five times, or even have her deny it and stay with only Arjun. This story is good but there's also a lot of potential to expand it!
I really like the graphic you chose for your background on the various stories. Blue is my favorite color, so I'm a little biased but don't change it (lol). This week we are supposed to focus on paragraphing for our assigned classmates' portfolio/storybook projects. So I looked through your different stories and your home page and I have a few tips that may help you make your project even better! First of all, your stories are very well written, particularly the story about the hare, and they kept me interested as I read through them! The paragraphing seems pretty good on all of them, however it seems that you could make it more consistent across the board. For example, your first story has large paragraphs with appropriate changes between, while your most recent story has very small paragraphs with many interruptions to the plot line. Perhaps a nice middle ground would be more pleasing to the eyes as people view your entire project! Your author's notes look good, but you can make them two paragraphs to divide up the information more! And your most recent author's note could actually use a bit more information. Great work on the whole!
Hey Adriana, I really enjoyed reading your story. It was a really fun and playful version of the original and this made it very pleasant to read. Something I really liked that I have not seen in very many stories so far is the use of onomatopoeia. I thought this was extremely creative and a great asset to your story overall. I also really liked your use of dialogue. This allowed you to really make the story yours while still staying true to the original plot. The way you told your story was very active and inviting. I did not have a hard time concentrating because I stayed very engaged all throughout it. Your story was truly very fun to read. You also expanded the story greatly by providing a lot of backstory and context. This made the story very rich and enjoyable. I think it would've been interesting for you to have explored the story a little further in the sense that you might discuss what happened after the incident. Did Mr. Hare become braver? Did the animals become less trusting?
ReplyDeleteAdriana,
ReplyDeleteI like the layout of your project and blue theme you have going on! I, also, really liked your title as I knew exactly what your project was going to be about. Your story was super cute, and I loved the extra details in the character. It made the story feel more like a story than a lesson, and it added humor to it. For your future stories, do you plan on adding more background to other characters in famous Indian stories or recreating the stories all together? Either way, I think they are both good ideas, and you can come up with some really creative posts. Like I mentioned before, I like the blue theme of your project and was wondering if the blue theme was just for the rabbit story and each story was going to have its own color or if that was theme you were going to keep throughout? Lastly, I really liked his apology because I felt like it was definitely missing in the original story. Way to redeem his character!
Adriana,
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio is very creative and cute! I used to watch a lot of bugs bunny, so I love reading anything involving rabbits. I think you did great with forming your own story, but still were able to relate it back to the original. It was easy for me as a reader to know exactly what original story your story was based off. I particularly appreciate how you made Mr. Hare have credibility from his introduction. It was easy to see why all the other rabbits and animals believed him. I think that was an essential aspect to your story, leading up to the ending where the Lion says what has actually happened. I think it would have been cool to add some geographical background to your characters, given they are an extremely diverse animal group. That might be something to look out for . Additionally, I loved how the most feared animal is the one that figured out the truth. I assumed it might be because the most fearless are the ones who tell it how it is? It all was very well put together. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Adriana! I loved your personification of animals since we are so used to reading about humans, and the pun of the rabbit's name. The story was easy to follow. Not just the flow, but just the indication of why others would believe the rabbit- this really helps the readers! I thought the way you have the readers anticipate the King of Beasts was also cool! My only thought was is the reader supposed to know it is just a coconut in the beginning? I didn't know if this was intended or not- to make the the reader cringe knowing how big a deal the animals are making? This is just a thought, but leaving information about the coconut in the beginning more vague "a spherical mass; round brown ball; etc." leaves the reader confused what is is and on the same page as the rabbit. Then, when they find out it is just a coconut after the lion's announcement, they kind of feel the embarrassment as well. One is not better than the other, it just depends what you are trying to go for! Overall, I really loved your cute story!
ReplyDeleteAdriana, I loved your story. One thing that I thought you did really well was how your paragraphs were constructed. It was very easy to follow the flow of the story. I also liked how you beefed up the old tale. When I read the original I thought it lacked a lot of detail and description. I think you do a marvelous job of adding a new detail. I especially liked when you have the lion roar at the rabbit. It was as if your description caught exactly what I thought when reading it the first time! One thing that happened in the original that I liked was the suspense of what causes the load crash at the beginning. We never find out what it was until the lion tells us. In your story you have the secret at the beginning. I think it makes your story lose some of the suspense of what causes the crash. Overall great story!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Adriana! I really enjoyed your story and how much I could compare it to the original. I got a very "chicken little" vibe from it and it kind of hit home. I really admired the flow of your story, and feel like the way you organized your information and paragraphs was very natural and easy to follow. I like that the king of beasts was friendly to the hare when he could have been more of an antagonist. I honestly thought he was going to try to eat some of the animals, especially when you talked about how scared they all were. I read the original version of your story, and I really like the editing changes you made. Those extra details really highlighted certain elements of your story. I particularly enjoy the characters of your story because they seem like common tall tale or children's book characters, which evokes a sense of nostalgia. I like how you used bold font and capitalization for the sound effects, and it worked well at the beginning of your story! I think sound effects like that are great way to hook a reader into your story. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Adriana! The first thing I thought of when I was reading the intro of your story, I thought of Alice in Wonderland! I like how well written it is by adding dialogue, onomatopoeia, and lots of emphasis! The way it was constructed and organized seem to flow very well in your story. The details were extraordinary, and I can definitely tell you did some research on rabbits! My favorite part when the coconut came down. But how did you know it was going to be a coconut? I know there are fruits that grow on palm trees also! In your author’s note, maybe add a little more description about the story so I know what to compare. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story. You definitely added great details and effects which made it so cute! It definitely reminded me a little bit of Disney movies from my childhood.
ReplyDeleteHi Adriana,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your version on Draupadi's story! I like how you made her a more independent character and let her make her own decisions. In the original story I felt like the women didn't have as much control as they deserved so I like how you changed that up. Your reasoning behind retelling the story this way was also really awesome because I can see how you empowered her in your story. I think it would be interesting to go more in depth in the ending of the story. What was her interaction with all the brothers like? How did the King respond to his daughters defiance? I think if you included a little more dialogue here it might help the reader see more of her feelings in the situation. Other than that I thought your story was very engaging and fun to read. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
I was really excited to read your story "The Foolish Mr. Hare". I had an idea which story you were going to retell because of the title. I also retold this story so that was exciting. I liked seeing someone else retell a story that I also did. Your story was fun and I enjoyed reading it. I think keeping the rabbit the same but calling him Mr. Hare was a cool detail. The amount of detail you added to your story was what made it stand out to me. Your use of personification was able to give the animals another layer of depth. It made the animals easy to understand. I also liked that the king of beasts was the lion. I could not help but imagine this character to be Simba from the Lion King. It was fitting that the lion was the one to fix the issue. The king is the most respected. I wonder how the other animals felt towards the rabbit after the event.
ReplyDeleteAdriana,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your change of roles in Draupadi's choice. I feel like you did a great job at giving Draupadi a rightful voice in who she wanted to marry. Many of the Indian epics I have read solely focus on seeing women as an accessory, rather than a strong and capable beings who are great contributors to the sustenance of those around them. Your story was definitely a breath of fresh air. I loved how Draupadi's courage resulted in her being able to choose the life she desired for herself, and also resulted in a law being made that allows women to willfully choose their mate without shame or feeling helpless. It would be cool to see a female assume the role of a ruler of a kingdom and showcase some reactions that would probably occur in turn. I especially appreciated your author's note and how you focused on explaining the importance of giving Draupadi a choice. It is about time women receive more acknowledgment for their contributions to society. I am extremely excited to read more from you.
Hi Adriana!
ReplyDeleteSuper excited to have been introduced to your website through this week’s commenting activity. It really seems like one I need to go back and read and keep up with. Similar with you, I too like my website organized and clean while also not too boring that everything is white and we don’t want to keep exploring. A couple things if you don’t mind me suggesting, and obviously these are opinionated and may not be your style, but a couple things can be added to take this to another level. One suggestion would be to add more to your home page. You could create little tabs with preview pictures and links to your stories while also keeping it at the top. This is just a pleasing to the eye thing and gives a little insight on what the readers will be reading. Also, the cover page relating to either your stories or the overall topic wouldn't be the worst idea rather than the given clip art. I loved how in the second story you had a little bit of a different format and the picture and stories on the sides of the page. I will definitely look into doing that for one of my stories.
Hi Adriana,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I really liked how you made Draupadi's free will a major part of your story. I've noticed in a lot of Indian epics that women are not really making decisions for themselves or if they do make a decision it is as a result of the men in their lives. They are almost used as pawns for the most part, which is why Draupadi really stood out to me.
I do wonder about Draupadi's personality in the story. It feels like I did not get to see much of it in your story, maybe because it seemed as though the story was centered around her being a strong woman who could make her own decisions rather than a unique personality with different quirks.
And last but not least, what if you expanded a bit more on the first interactions between Arjuna and Draupadi? I would love to see Arjuna stand out to Draupadi because he respects her as a woman who can make her own choices, instead of simply a seemingly random archer. But overall, this was a really good take on an old story!
Hi Adriana! I love how you changed the story to let Draupadi be the chooser of her own body and who she gets to marry! Not many of the women in both the epics we read were allowed to choose what they want or say what they want. So it was nice for you to write a story over Draupadi's choices! I do think you should add more about Draupadi's thoughts. Maybe go into more detail about why she liked Arjuna for other than his archery. What if you added a small side story of them going on a date? Or maybe go into a conversation with Draupadi and her father about the arranged marriage? Overall I thought it was a fun and interesting story!
ReplyDeleteAdriana, I thought your story was amazing. Reading through most of the stories, it seems like they do favor men in all of stories which in understandable given the times at which the stories were made. Regardless, I think that you modernized them and let the female character have more choice in what happened really cool. I hope that you continue to make more stories like this that are really interesting and continue to have a cool message.
ReplyDeleteHey Adriana,
ReplyDeleteI just finished your story "Draupadi's choice" and thought you took the story and retold it in a very original way. Personally, I like to not stray too far from the original story in retellings, so reading how you made Draupadi an independent badass caught me very off guard. I really did enjoy how you made Draupadi a little bit more of a developed character, rather than a love interest who is always needing protection from her husbands. I wonder what the dynamic between her and Arjuna would be in this story rather than the original, maybe she ends up saving him from time to time instead of her always being the damsel in distress. What if one day Draupadi was bored and wanted to practice her archery and Arjuna saw how skilled she was? I don't know about you, but I think Arjuna would fall head over heels when he saw his wive striking the bulls-eye over and over again. I look forward to reading more of your work, and I hope I can read more of this badass version of Draupadi!
Hi Adriana,
ReplyDeleteYour website looks really good. Keeping with this week's feedback theme, I will focus on your images. I think that your banner image for your home page looks fantastic. Is really good quality and looks excellent with the overall theme of the website.
I really liked the way that you included the images in your website stories. I do have one question, have you tried experimenting with different banner backgrounds? I think your banner background goes very well with the overall aesthetic of the website, but you might want to experiment with different banner sizes and images.
I also like the way that you change the way is formatted around the images that you use. I also like the way that you use buttons to link the original story and your blog version. It looks very clean; I might have to use for my own website. I look forward to reading more of stories!
Hi again, Adriana! I returned back to your portfolio because I found your writing style to be interesting and I just love reading your stories! With that being said, I want to begin by saying that I really like how you used onomatopoeia in your writing. For example, you used word crash, and even emphasized it by bonding the word. I thought that you did this really well to help me picture the image.
ReplyDeleteA question that I have is why did you choose to keep your character as a rabbit and changed it from an anxious rabbit to a sleepy rabbit? What made you do that specifically? I thought that your story was written really well and the sentences flowed together uniformly. Another question that I have is why is it that many animals know about the the King of the Beasts but does not know that he is a lion? Furthermore, a suggestion that I have is to maybe discard that part of the story because I feel like it kind of misleads the story a little bit.
With that being said, I think that your project could use a few more images per story. Still, I think that the pictures that you’ve used so far does a good job at adding to the experience.
Hi Adriana, I enjoyed reading through your story the Foolish Mr. Hare. After I had finished reading through your story I spent some more time reading through your Author's Note as this weeks assignment asks us to focus on the Author's Note. To mention first, I loved reading through your short story. It was entertaining, easy to read and follow along with. I did notice before reading your Author's Note that you spent a good portion on developing your main character, Mr. Hare. I enjoyed all the nice details you added towards building him up as the main character. It made the story easier to understand later on. One small thing I wanted to mention was in your authors note you had mentioned towards the end about putting "my own spin on it." I figured out what you were talking about after I found the information in the bibliography. But when you said put "my own spin on" I was just a little confused on what you were refereeing to. As in, what were you referencing when putting your own spin on the story. That is my only critique about your authors note. Maybe just add in there, I put my own spin on it, based off this story I read." Other than that I think your portfolio looks fantastic and I enjoy reading through your short stories!
ReplyDeleteWWW Comment:
ReplyDeleteHey Adriano,
I like how you have formatted your portfolio. It has made it so much easier to navigate across the page as well as find important information like your blog and comment wall. This has been something that I have been trying to work on in my own storybook and I will definitely take inspiration from you portfolio. For your story, I like how you added some background on what a Swayamvara was. I remember seeing swayamvara’s in movies about the epics and it is a very interesting concept as princesses were able to choose their husband. Also, I like how you set up the character of Draupadi as strong and talented. We don’t get to see this side of her in the Mahabharata, so it’s great that there is a whole story dedicated to her. I like how you added a modern twist to your story by making Draupadi send rules to Arjuna before they are married. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio.
Hi Adriana!
ReplyDeleteI like your telling of Draupadi's swayamvara. I also really like the image you chose for it. I think it really gives us a sense of the setting. I might suggest moving your buttons to the bottom, though. They're kind of distracting between the image and the story that image accompanies. Also, I think most people would be seeking additional information after they've read the story, not before, so it makes sense to put them after the story. Also, I would lay out the rules of the swayamvara. I had assumed all the suitors would be competing in archery, but that's apparently untrue. Is it just a talent show? Is there any limitations regarding social standing of the suitors? I know in the original story, that was a big deal. Also, in your author's note, you mentioned how it settled poorly with you that she was basically assigned four new husbands even after she had already chosen one. You could incorporate that into the story, and have her either choose to accept the fate she brought upon herself by praying for a husband five times, or even have her deny it and stay with only Arjun. This story is good but there's also a lot of potential to expand it!
Hello there, Adriana!
ReplyDeleteI really like the graphic you chose for your background on the various stories. Blue is my favorite color, so I'm a little biased but don't change it (lol). This week we are supposed to focus on paragraphing for our assigned classmates' portfolio/storybook projects. So I looked through your different stories and your home page and I have a few tips that may help you make your project even better! First of all, your stories are very well written, particularly the story about the hare, and they kept me interested as I read through them! The paragraphing seems pretty good on all of them, however it seems that you could make it more consistent across the board. For example, your first story has large paragraphs with appropriate changes between, while your most recent story has very small paragraphs with many interruptions to the plot line. Perhaps a nice middle ground would be more pleasing to the eyes as people view your entire project! Your author's notes look good, but you can make them two paragraphs to divide up the information more! And your most recent author's note could actually use a bit more information. Great work on the whole!